Hello. My name is Gary. I was born a man. I am still a man. I know where you live. I strike fear and terror into the hearts of teenage boys everywhere. Now you might know me from the popular televsion series that is Saint Eunan's College. It's set in the large dominating school of - Saint Eunan's College! I play a P.E. teacher in this long-running charade (although it was only broadcast via television much later, the show is now over one hundred years old!) My character is arrogant, vain, self-centred, angry and a bit pissy-offy but underneath that hard exterior I go all soft inside. I let my feelings out on occasions when I shouldn't but luckily this has never really happened to me at the school. I hope this will help me to calm down a bit and who knows I may let slip some secrets about myself and some of the other actors and crew who work behind the scenes. I may even accidentally let slip some future plotlines so hopefully I won't be fired.
Sometimes my vanity gets the better of me. I am a man so I will not allow anyone to touch my hair. It is lovely. Most people agree. I have a picture of myself in a suit with a big smile on my face and lovely rosy cheeks. My hair is also in this picture. Did I mention it was lovely? I get annoyed when people say I'm going bald. That's not true. I am a man. I do not go bald. Going bald is for pussies.
Don't I look lovely? Look at my teeth! And my smile! And my hair! I feel much better now. I hope you do too.
Lots of love.